My child won't go to school. What can I do about school refusal?
In short, try to understand what is making school feel hard, talk to the school early, and work together on a gradual plan back. School refusal, sometimes called emotionally based school avoidance, is usually about worry or overwhelm rather than bad behaviour.
Few things are as stressful for a parent as a child who cannot get through the school gate. Mornings become a battle, and it is easy to feel judged, worried about attendance and unsure what to do for the best.
Schools often call this emotionally based school avoidance, or EBSA. The word refusal can make it sound like a choice, but for many children it feels more like not being able to.
What might be behind it
- Worries about friendships, a particular lesson or a member of staff
- Learning that feels too hard, or unmet additional needs
- Noise, crowds or busy times of day that feel overwhelming
- Changes at home or at school
- Worries about being away from home
Working with school
Contact the school as early as possible and ask for a meeting. A gradual plan, a trusted adult, a quiet place to start the day or a temporary change to the timetable can all help. Keep a note of what is agreed and when it will be reviewed.
You still have a legal responsibility for your child's education, which the government's guide to school attendance and absence explains.
At home
Keep mornings as calm and predictable as you can, acknowledge your child's feelings, and keep some gentle structure to the day if they are at home. If you are worried about your child's wellbeing, speak to your GP.
Common questions
Is school refusal the same as truancy?
No. Truancy usually means a child is choosing to miss school without their parents knowing. School refusal is usually linked to worry or overwhelm, and the child and family often want to get back to school.
Should I make my child go to school?
Every situation is different. Working with school on a gradual, supported return usually helps more than either forcing attendance or letting time at home drift.
Ruby offers a parent consultation to help you make sense of what is happening and plan next steps with school, and one-to-one tuition and coaching for children who are out of school or on reduced timetables. If she believes a child would benefit from clinical support, she will always say so.
Talk it through with Ruby
A free 15-minute discovery call, arranged around your time zone.
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