Growing up between cultures, helping your child feel like they belong, wherever home is
In short: Children growing up between cultures can build a strong, settled sense of identity, but it usually helps to name and hold together the different parts of their life rather than expecting them to pick one.
Children who grow up moving between countries often end up with a different relationship to the question of where they are from than children who grow up in one place. It isn't always a simple answer for them, and that can sit more heavily than parents realise, particularly once a child is old enough to notice they don't quite match any one group, not fully of their passport country, not fully of wherever they're currently living, and sometimes not quite matching other expat children either if their particular mix of countries is unusual.
This isn't necessarily a problem to be solved so much as something to be understood and supported, holistically, as part of who a child is becoming. Children in this position often seem to do better when the different pieces of their life are named and held together rather than treated as competing.
It may be worth extra support if a child seems to be actively struggling, for example
- Withdrawing more than usual
- Describing themselves as not belonging anywhere
- Showing ongoing distress around identity that isn't easing with time
Common questions
Is it normal for a child to feel like they don't fully belong anywhere?
Yes, this is a common experience for children who grow up moving between countries, and it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.
When should I be more concerned about my child's sense of identity?
If a child is withdrawing, describing themselves as not belonging anywhere, or showing ongoing distress that isn't easing over time, it's worth having an outside conversation to help them make sense of it.
Coaching for children in this situation takes a compassionate, strengths-based approach, giving them language and space for something that's genuinely complicated, and helping them build a settled sense of who they are that isn't dependent on being in any one particular place.
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